Life Goes On, But I'm Gone
by ThrowDownTheKey
Summary: Collins loses his temper one night, and does something he never meant to. Will he be able to live when Angel leaves him, (she doesn't die in this one, don't worry) or will he think of something clever to get her back before she's gone for good? Probably not, not without the help of Mark and Roger of course!


Life Goes On, But I'm Gone

"That's it Angel! I'm fed up with your impatience!" Collins shouted at her.

"Fine Collins! And you know what? I'm sick of you always talking about your work!"

"And you think I like it when you ramble on and on about Mimi and Roger?"

"Oh well if you hate me so much why don't you just leave!?"

"You leave! Oh and take your heels with you!" He screamed at her.

"I'm not leaving! Take your damn knit hat and slam the door behind you!"

"God Angel! You're so annoying! Like do you ever stop talking?!"

"And why do you wear so many layers, huh? It's not that cold outside Collins!"

That was it. They had been fighting for at least two hours, but that was the last straw. Collins couldn't even remember why they started fighting… he probably did something.

"And why," she continued at the top of her lungs, "must you and the boys always screen your calls?"

"The boys? Angel, you are a freaking boy! Why don't you stop pretending, huh?" She didn't say anything after that, but Collins could see anger building up in her eyes. He couldn't stand looking at her like that. Collins didn't know why he did it, but one thing led to another, and pretty soon his hand met her cheek in a cold slap. Then he rammed into her shoulder, sending her to the floor. She crawled in a corner, trying to get away from him.

Collins' heart broke at the realization of what he had just done. He had just hit her. He hit his Angel. The only person Collins' loved in the world. He looked down at his hands, they were shaking. Collins bent down to her level and put his hands on her shoulders, but she just shook him off.

Her eyes weren't angry anymore. They were filled with fear, Angel was afraid of him now. Then tears started to flow down her cheeks. He put out his thumb to wipe them off her face, when she said shakily, "Don't touch me Collins."

Collins put his arm around her, when she screamed, "Collins get off me!" Angel then stood up, and ran out the door. Collins could hear her bare feet slamming against the stone cold concrete stairs. "Angel!" he shouted as he ran after her.

Collins chased her down 3 blocks, before she sharply stopped and turned to face him. Collins put his arms out, "Angel, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry my Angel," the anarchist started to cry.

And she just looked at him. Collins never wanted to see that look in her eyes again. "Collins," she was holding back tears, "I thought you were different. I thought maybe, just maybe, it was possible for someone like you to love someone like me," she paused.

"But Angelcake…" he protested.

"Don't you dare call me that," she said coldly.

"I do love you. I love you more than anything in the whole world," He looked into her eyes, searching for any love that might have remained.

"Most men don't abuse the thing they love more than anything in the world," she stated, before turning and walking towards Mimi's apartment. Out of spite, she swayed her hips. She knew it drove Collins crazy.

"God, Angel," he muttered under his breath. He knew he had to get her back.

"He what?"

"He slapped me, then he pushed me to the floor." Angel removed her sweater to show Mimi the bruise that was forming on her shoulder.

"Angel, you have to tell somebody about this," Mimi said, placing a hand on her friends shoulder.

"I did. I told you. Listen, Collins is a good guy. He has never hurt me before, and just because I can't be with him anymore doesn't mean I have to trash his reputation. If someone finds out about this, his teaching career will be over."

Mimi sighed. She knew Angel spoke the truth. "Okay, then," she grunted, getting off of the ratty green couch that stood in Mimi's apartment. "Can I get you some tea?" she asked.

"No, I'm okay," Angel paused. "Has Roger ever hit you?"

"No, of course not. Roger knows that if he slapped me, I'd just kick him in the balls and slap him back."

Angel laughed softly, curling her feet under her knees. Just then, Mark and Roger came into Mimi's apartment. Roger came up behind Mimi and swooped her into a warm embrace. Angel sighed, she really missed Collins.

Mark sat on the couch next to her, "Hey, you okay?" Mark asked her, placing a hand on her knee.

"I guess. Have you seen Collins?" Angel fiddled with her necklace.

"He's probably at work, why? Did something happen?" Mark asked.

Before Angel could answer, Mimi untangled herself from Roger and said bluntly, "Collins hit her."

"Mimi!" Angel put her hand to her forehead. Mark and Roger were speechless.

"Angel?" Mark put his hand on her shoulder. "Really?"

Angel just nodded, and Roger shook his head. "Collins is such an idiot," Roger sighed. "All of our lives we talked about finding someone that made us whole, a soul mate. And now we've both got just that," Roger gestured to Angel and Mimi, "it's just like Collins to go and screw it up." Roger stood up and grabbed his leather jacket before heading out the door.

Mark followed him. "I'm coming with you, we're gonna go talk to Collins," Mark sighed and adjusted his striped scarf. "You girls should stay here."

Mimi nodded and Angel put her head on Mimi's shoulder, crying.

"Just as expected," Roger almost shouted. He and Mark burst through Collins and Angel's apartment, only to find Collins leaning against a window sill, smoking a joint.

"Hey guys," Collins said halfheartedly.

"Hey guys? After you hit Angel! How could you Collins!" Mark sat himself down on their couch.

"You're such an idiot man, for messing things up with her," Roger sighed. "Angel is the one good thing you have going for you right now."

"You don't have to tell me, I know," Collins took a long drag from his cigarette.

"Do you?" Roger poked him in the stomach. "Mimi has convinced Angel to break up with you. And however much it may hurt her, Angel will. She's dealt with relationships like this before," Roger steamed.

"Relationships like this?" Collins shouted back. "This is not an abusive relationship! I love Angel! And I would never hurt her!"

"Really?" Mark stood up. "Because the bruises on her shoulder would beg to differ."

That was it. Collins broke down, dropping his cigar and crying. Roger ran to him, while Mark awkwardly stomped on the cigar, trying to put it out.

"Just apologize Collins," Roger grabbed Collins' shoulders firmly. "Angel will forgive you. Trust us, she's so broken without you Collins."

"Yeah," Mark put in. "That one week you went to the city on business, she was so down. Didn't even dress in drag. For a whole week! She practically lived at Mimi and Roger's, and she couldn't sleep without you."

"I know guys… trust me… I know," Collins grunted.

"Really?" Roger asked. "Do you?"

Collins just sighed. "Because 8 months ago, the Collins I knew would pay anything to have found his soulmate," Roger continued. "And I like to think the Collins I know now is going to go win her back."

"How?" Collins asked.

"Apologize!" Roger almost shouted.

"No," Mark interrupted. "For once I think Roger's love advice is wrong." Mark turned toward Roger, "You need to prove to Angel that you're different than her abusive ex's, who just thought they could apologize and move on. And even though I know Angel will forgive you, because well, she's an angel, I think the love of your life deserves better than that."

"You're right Mark," Collins headed towards the door, "she does."

Collins exited and Roger nodded in approval. Mark stared at Roger consciously. "Umm… Roger?"

"Yeah…" Roger responded, still in the zone.

"Don't you think we should follow him?"

"Yes I do," Roger smiled and he and Mark went after Collins.

"Mimi… I told you already. I just want to stay in tonight, and bask in my sorrow for a while," Angel said dramatically.

"Save it for the Cat Scratch chica," Mimi smiled as she grabbed her friend's hand. She swung it as the pair walked down the street.

Angel just smiled. She wasn't about to complain on tonight of all nights, it was Mimi's birthday.

"Happy birthday, by the way," Angel giggled as she slipped a 20 into her friend's hand.

Mimi winked at Angel and continued to dance. Angel was out of drag, so hopefully no guys would bug her tonight. She was still mad at Collins, but she missed him so much that if he walked in at that very moment, she would forgive him in a heartbeat. Her friends at life support told her to get him out of her life. They told her not to have room for anything negative, no day but today. But they didn't know Collins. They didn't know how much Angel loved him. Besides, she knew he would never hurt her again. But then again, Angel never thought Collins would hurt her in the first place. She sighed and tried to avoid the eyes of the suggestive dancer in front of her.

"Goodnight Angel," Mimi said before kissing her friend's cheek.

"Happy Birthday Meems," Angel hugged Mimi before Mimi skipped along downstairs to her and Roger's apartment. Angel watched her friend for a while before sighing. She wished she could be as happy as Mimi was right now.

Angel slid the door to her and Collins' apartment open. Her immediate attention was brought to the floor, where a single white rose lay next to a note. She opened the letter.

_My Angel,_

_I can't say sorry anymore, because you already know how sorry I am. So what I'm going to say is that I love you. I love you so much. I wish I could make you see that. I'm such an idiot. I know I don't deserve to be forgiven, in fact, I don't deserve anything anymore. I don't deserve to be a teacher. I don't deserve to have friends, or a roof over my head. But most of all, I don't deserve you. But that's just it Angel, I know I don't deserve to have you. But I need you. Just as much as I need water, food, oxygen and AZT. In fact, I'd give all of those things up to be with you the rest of my life. But look at me Angel, I've become a monster. A monster, because I took you for granted. I need you so much, I forgot that it was possible to lose you. I hurt the one thing I need to survive. I'm a monster. And that's why I'm hiding in your closet right now. If you can find it in that angelic heart of yours to forgive me, then I promise to love you forever. But even if you don't forgive me, which I would completely understand, I will still love you forever._

_Love, Tom Collins._

Angel was crying by the time she had gotten half way through his letter. She grabbed the rose and ran into their bedroom, where she opened the closet door. And there he stood, in a suit, holding the rest of the bouquet of roses.

"Don't cry my Angel," Collins whispered lovingly.

"Why wouldn't I be crying?" Angel said laughing. "There's a monster in my closet," she whispered into his ear. Then she flung herself into him, making him drop the roses. She pulled him into a passionate kiss, which he quickly broke away from.

"Does this mean you forgive me?" Collins asked, speechless.

"Of course baby, I love you so much," Angel gazed into his eyes.

And with that, Collins swooped her up into his arms and kissed her again. "I missed you so much Angel," Collins muttered.

"You can't even imagine." Angel smiled as she pulled Collins' by his tie, into another deep kiss. The couple had no idea that they were being watched.

"He did it," Mark smiled as he stopped his camera.

"Aww… I knew Collins would pull through," Roger wrapped his arm around Mimi's waist.

"They are so cute Pookie," Maureen poked Joanne, "Aren't they?"

"Yes honeybear, they're adorable," Joanne smirked as Maureen rested her head on Joanne's shoulder.

"This, by far, is the best birthday present ever," Mimi smiled. "I hated seeing Angel so unhappy." Mimi then turned to Roger and kissed his nose.

Collins lay on top of Angel, kissing her lustfully, when Angel put her finger between their lips.

"Collins baby, shut the curtain," Angel whispered.

Collins stopped, looking at her strangely. "Now?" he groaned.

"Yes now," Angel laughed quietly. "They're all watching." Angel waved at her friends, who were all standing on their balcony. Collins turned to look at his friends and smirked. Then he got up and pulled the curtain closed, resulting in grunts from the other bohemians. Collins chuckled slightly to himself as he climbed back onto Angel.

"Now where were we?"


End file.
